So you’ve begun the wedding planning, how exciting! All of your wedding ideas are running through your head… but so is this one problem. Who pays for what? Where is the money coming from? There are many decisions and responsibilities involved, and you're not even sure what you pay for and what come out of someone else's bank account! Well have no fear, Wedding TV is here to help! Read our guide to what you, as well as the lucky fella, will be expected to come up with.
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The bride's parents may be paying for the big day itself, although now only around a third of weddings are entirely paid for by the in-laws. Many couples now pay for at least some of the wedding costs themselves, so if this is the case it is important to sit down with the bride's parents and work out who will pay for what, and how much the budget will be. It is also a good idea at this stage to think about guest lists, numbers, possible venues and reception ideas. This way, at least everyone will be clear about your wedding expectations and you won't be planning a massive bash, whilst your in-laws are thinking more along the lines of a casual buffet and a few CDs to dance around to.
Traditionally, when the bride's parents paid, the total amount of invitations were divvied up into three and given out: one third to the bride's parents' guests; one third the groom's parents' guests and one third for the couple's guests. Modern times have changed this and guest lists vary hugely from wedding to wedding. It is worth investigating in the early planning stages whether the bride's parents want a huge family do, with every second cousin imaginable invited, or whether they are happy to have a smaller and more intimate guest list.
Even if your in-laws are paying for the majority of the wedding costs, the groom may still be expected to pay for certain things, although now it is probably more a case of the bride and groom taking on responsibility for certain areas of the wedding costs together:
The bride's engagement and wedding rings: The budget for these depends entirely on you as a couple and what suits your pocket and taste. A word of advice though, if you steer clear of the big name jewelers you will get a bigger rock for your readies...
The hen & stag parties: Although party venues have become more 'exotic,' it is now more common for your mates to chip in for travel and accommodation and to bring plenty of beer money. Of course you could opt not to have one... (Yeah, right!) Don't forget that your soire is only one of two, so there will need to be plenty of money for your finance’s party too.
Hiring or buying the Grooms wedding clothes, shoes etc.: Again, the costs for these can vary from £1000 for a bespoke morning suit or a couple of hundred quid to buy or hire a suit. It is traditionally the responsibility of the groom to pay for the hire of outfits for the best man, ushers and himself. You will need to arrange with the other men in the wedding party to attend the outfitters with you to choose your attire.
The all-important Wedding gown and all of it’s accomplices: We know you may want an enormous princess dress, or a Vera Wang original, but lets be real. Of course this is your big DAY, but it is also your life. And if you go and spend all of your life savings on your dress, you may need to be frugal on other elements. So prioritize, prioritize, prioritize! Maybe if you find great deals on a veil, shoes, jewelerry, etc. you can afford to splurge a bit more on your dress.
The civil or church ceremony fees plus any extra fees for musicians or choir: How much this will cost depends on where you want to get married. If you want to use a particular parish church and you live in another parish, it is your responsibility to ensure your marriage is authorised by The Church of England by the publishing of the banns in your own parish. (Have a word with your local vicar if you are unsure what this means.) If you have chosen a civil wedding to be held outside the registration district in which you live, it is your responsibility to give notice at your local register office.
Gifts for your bride, bridesmaids, pages, ushers and best man: Gifts don't need to be vastly expensive - pretty silver necklaces or bracelets for the girls and cufflinks for the boys are popular choices. Or get a bit more creative and make each of them a CD with songs you both love, then maybe add a box of chocolate to it. The options and the budget can be endless.
Transport away from reception venue for the bride and groom: This can be flash - stretch limo, horse and carriage, classic car; or understated - a simple executive style saloon or local taxi, depending on your budget. Of course if you are staying at the reception you won't need transport at all.
The wedding night hotel: Many couples opt to stay at a country house hotel for their wedding night, especially if the reception has been held in the evening, and then travel to their honeymoon destination the next day. It's really worth splashing out on this one, and remember to tell the hotel it's your wedding night... they might upgrade your room and will leave flowers and champagne waiting for you.
Your honeymoon - travel and hotels: Again, the budget for this is entirely up to you. Read our top 10 honeymoon destinations for 2011 to get some inspiration - and start saving now. In the old days the groom was expected to surprise his bride with their honeymoon destination, but now most couples make a joint decision on where they want to go. If you are flying to your destination, tell the airline that you are on your honeymoon as you might receive special treatment - seat upgrades and champagne. (Tell your honeymoon hotel too, and the taxi man, and the wine waiter... you get the idea!)
Wedding gifts: You may love the idea of receiving twelve kitchen appliances, or of picking out your own gifts at a department store for bridal registry. But if money is of more concern to you than home furnishings, go ahead and ask for it! You can set up a bank account and allow your guests to donate to this account. Choose a cause for the account, which can anything from your future children’s college funds to your own honeymoon fund!
The beauty of getting married these days is that there really are no rules. The bride and groom can discus it all, including their families perhaps, and divide up the costs however you all feel comfortable. And keep in mind that there are numerous ways to lower costs, just do a little research and find out the best and easiest corners to cut.
